Insightful Abnormal Psychology Reads

In my Abnormal Psychology class, we were assigned to read and analyze a memoir (chosen from a list) by someone with a mental disorder. I chose The Eden Express by Mark Vonnegut, because yes, he is the son of renowned author, Mark Vonnegut (who wrote Cat's Cradle that we will read later this semester in Lit and Civ), and because the description of the book said that Mark took a humorous approach to his narrative while describing his not-so-humorous experiences with Schizophrenia (later found out he was misdiagnosed, and that he really had Bipolar Disorder with psychosis, but still). I knew that reading someone's account of their battle with their own mind could be very intense and possibly difficult to read, which I knew I could handle, but given the option to read one with at least a slight uplifting tone, I chose to avoid the more depressing ones. 

After learning about schizophrenia in class, I was well aware of how debilitating the disease is, and of all the difficulty it causes in not only the life of the afflicted one, but in those of their families and loved ones as well. It is characterized by delusions and/or hallucinations, which essentially shatters their reality, disabling them from differentiating between what is real to everyone else, and what appears to be real only to them, which is extremely difficult for me to wrap my head around. 

I personally really enjoyed the book and found it extremely fascinating and entertaining. I have often wondered what it is like to think like someone with a mental illness as controlling as schizophrenia or bipolar, and Mark Vonnegut’s narrative was the perfect opportunity to do just that. Just reading his thoughts almost made me lose my own sense of reality in a way. It was so difficult at times to determine what was really going on, and what was just happening in his head, so I can’t even begin to fathom how he actually felt at the time. 

Observing his reality in comparison to what was really most likely happening (along with what definitely was not happening) can really make someone question what exactly “reality” is. Even before the illness struck, he was very thoughtful and curious about many things in life, wanting to find meaning and aspired to do something great. Then once an episode hit, those thoughts were completely blown up, out of proportion. He found the most profound meaning in every little thing, felt the strongest connection to everyone and everything, and believed he knew all there is to know about anything at all. Aren’t those things many of us in some way or another dream of doing and having? If I ever reached that point of absolute satisfaction and happiness, I wouldn’t want to leave it either. And the frustration that he felt when nobody understood, or was as enthusiastic about all the things he was, I believe is completely relatable. But overall I was in awe of how someone’s mind could operate like that. How what he believed, he saw. 

My favorite quote in the book was, “I was back to being polite, the well-tempered paranoid.” I really felt a strong connection to that line, because it perfectly depicted what I oftentimes experience. His constant concern for others, not wanting to step on toes, and trying not to be a burden to anyone else was a very evident underlying message in his delusions and hallucinations. His subconscious, usually suppressed, thoughts were the voices actually controlling him, and I sometimes feel like that could happen to any of us. 

By reading this book, I was definitely able to gain a better understanding of what someone with a mental illness goes through, and how debilitating it can be, and I actually found myself able to relate to many aspects of Mark’s experience. I feel like many people, myself included, can be pretty ignorant in our views and opinions in regards to mental illnesses sometimes. Whether it is the belief that they are all dangerous, or that they are just helpless and have no chance of improving their life and circumstances, or even that they are just "faking it" for various reasons,  it seems like we don't give them the benefit of the doubt. Just because there is no physical indications that something is wrong, such as a broken bone or a tumor, does not mean that they do not deserve the same respect and opportunities as those without a mental disorder. I know that I am guilty of these thoughts just as much as the next person, but reading this book definitely gave me great insight into how the mind of someone with a mental disorder operates, helping me avoid believing the general stigmas around these people. If anyone is looking for a fascinating book to add to their reading list, I highly recommend The Eden Express!