Dazing Off

In placement of a conversation partner post, due to his early departure, I have written another to make up for it. My intention was to use "the view from your bedroom window" prompt, but it managed to transform itself along the way . I just wrote and went with where my head took it. I apologize for the rambling....

You know those times when you have something specific on your mind and just stare at something, or in a certain direction without actually looking at it? A song plays, or something is mentioned that sets this thought explosion off in your head and you are no longer there. Your body hasn't budged, but you have wandered way off in your head. No longer in your skin, but some place else entirely. "Lights are on, but no one is home" type of deal. This happens to me constantly.
I spend the majority of my time elsewhere, instead of where I physically am, if that makes any sense. Whether it is a memory, imagining what I should or shouldn't have done, and idea forming, or fantasizing about how I wish something will play out (realistically or not), my head is always in full swing. I probably look like a crazy person staring out (or more like at) the window, or, more embarrassingly, someone who I'm not actually looking at. Eyes are deadlocked, but sights aren't exactly registering. Then when I snap back to reality, they are give me this weird, semi-offended look due to my extended stare directed at them.
And then there are times when someone notices my distant gazing and asks what is wrong or what I'm thinking about. But once the spell is broken, those thoughts that felt so real and tangible just moments earlier have vanished and don't seem to matter much back in the real world. So I just form that usual, empty smile and simply reply, "oh nothing really," or "I'm just tired." As much as I would like to let it all out , I sometimes just have to keep the lid on, and allow it to remain bottled up.
Sometimes it is just best to keep certain thoughts in your head, because once you say them out loud they are released into the world where they can be judged, misinterpreted, and used in ways you feared they would be. They would no longer be safely yours It's always a nice feeling to know you have something that is only yours, that no one else can take. Even if it is tearing you up inside, you know it can't hurt anyone else.
Some nights I just wish I could shut my mind off. I reach a point where I am just tired of missing, longing, regretting, and wishing. I just want a break from fighting inside my head. I've always said that if I could shut my mind off for even five minutes, I would be at peace for a lifetime. My mind can be a hectic place. I overthink into things that were never meant to be interpreted further than what they actually were. I play things out when the scene was over where it was last left. Sometimes I just look for meaning where none exists, just because I want there to be some rhyme and reason for the inexplicable happenings in life. Maybe not everything requires meaning. Yes, I believe that everything happens for a reason, but that doesn't mean it is always intended for us to know the rational behind it. Maybe instead of wasting time attempting to decipher occurrences, we should just live, and realize that things will happen, whether we know why or not. I know I need to begin following this philosophy. Why should I keep wasting my precious thoughts and already lacking energy on things that I cannot change, and just appreciate the life I have where events are capable of happening, good or bad?
As crazy as our mind can be sometimes, we need to remember that we are stuck with it our whole lives, so we might as well use it right. Learn to enjoy its capabilities, because if we cannot find sanity within our own minds, there is no way we will survive in this chaotic world we live in.